No one ever told me how hard being 25 would be. If you asked sixteen year old me I would have said that by the time I was 25 I wanted to be married, have a house, have my degree, and possibly have one kid or being thinking about it, at least.
Yeah, that didn’t happen. But what HAS happened is I have learned a LOT about myself and I love myself increasingly each year. I have learned how to deal with myself in many different circumstances. By not being married and all that at a young age, I have been able to battle a lot of my long term demons so that when I do get married and have kids, I don’t have to manage a family AND my baggage, at least not as much.
Landon and I have been together (and have lived together) for roughly four years. I’ve learned a lot about me as well as being in a serious relationship. It didn’t take me long to realize I wanted to marry him, but we’re in no rush. There were other issues we needed to confront first.
Without getting into too much detail, the first year of our relationship was rough, and not in the normal difficult way. Just a few months after we started dating and I had moved in I found myself in a mental hospital. The months following were a lot of work but he stood by my side and constantly encouraged me. He really showed me unconditional love to the fullest extent.Things got a lot better after that; therapy and medication and working out really helped. But more than that I learned to accept that I have anxiety and depression and to stop fighting it and to just flow with it. It allows me to to not be dragged down by it.
This time last year our lives were really looking up. I was still working at Game Cafe but also I got a paid internship as a gardener at the zoo, I was in school, everything was great! We were even seriously talking about marriage and even buying a house. I was excited to finally have my future pieces fall into place.
Theeennnn last June I got into a car accident and sustained a head injury that made it so I could not work for months. He had to carry us financially while I recovered and found a desk job where I didn’t have to be standing all day. THAT was very frustrating. I felt like we had our future ripped out from us for now reason. I’m still mad about it, but less so.
I am only 25 now and I still have a lot to learn, but I am glad to have had these bad experiences because it showed me that I CAN get through anything and that things will get better. More than that, it proved to me that there are people who will stand by me through anything. I always envy those of my friends who at this age have their degree, are in their career, have a house, and are married. I’m happy for them, but it makes me look at my own life and realize how grimy it is. But that’s okay. Not everyone can take the same path and they have had their own trials on theirs.
I will be glad to one day call him my husband, and later the father of my kids. I will be glad to be a mom and wife and have my degree and everything else I’m working towards, but for now, I am trying to achieve peace of mind while on the path to these.
Thanks for listening!
Expedition to Zen 